just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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