quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
