Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
