Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
