Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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