How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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