I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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