if you like me you must not know who I am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
