I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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