im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
