I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
