I didn't shave. On purpose
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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