Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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