who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
