You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
