Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
