If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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