I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
