He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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