dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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