do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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