So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
