So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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