she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
