Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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