This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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