just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
