I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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