Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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