walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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