The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
