I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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