She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
