there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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