Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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