my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
