here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
