on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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