good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
