I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
