sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
