i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
