I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize