I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
