Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
