he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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