I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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