hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it hurts more in the daytime
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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