I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
