Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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